music has always been a matter of energy to me, a question of fuel. sentimental people call it inspiration but what they really mean is fuel.- hunter s. thompson

Add caption

photos by: rae burke

Considering my "newbie" status @ this blogging thing, & definitely lacking some direction here, I have decided that I am going to write about whatever my little heart desires.  And today that topic is music simply because welll: music makes everything better.  Opinion and fact.  Driving, cleaning, working out, kissing, studying - I want it all the time. I’ll find a song for any purpose and to fit any vibe.  Like most people, I don’t want to go a day without music.  More than that however, I have realized that there have been days where I felt I absolutely could not carry on without my favorite songs.  On these days, music seemed essential for survival from one moment to the next.  Music can endure us during the darkest of minutes, hours, days, months.  It can serve as a glimmer of hope when we are at our lowest.  It may very well be the only thing we let reach us when we are buried away inside of ourselves. 

I can clearly remember a few songs that carried me through some particularly heavy times that seemed endless during my senior year of college.  In the winter of that year, my whole world seemed to crumble at once. My boyfriend of years and I split up.  That loss spread through me like a flu that I could just not shake.  And although it was I that put the final nail in the coffin of the doomed relationship, for many months I felt regretful, lonely, guilty, lost; in a word: MISERABLE.  At about the very same time, my parents stopped speaking to one another completely and instead started speaking to me a lot about a possible divorce.  I felt stuck in the middle and unbelievably angry.  In the midst of all this, I came to the overwhelming realization that with graduation only a few courses away, I still had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life.  I felt like college had been a marathon with no finish line and I was still running full speed in the dark.  I just could not see any hint of the light at the end of the tunnel.  Naturally, I slipped into a very gloomy winter depression. 

During this time, I remember blasting Wolf Parade’s “I’ll Believe in Anything” on the Apologies to the Queen Mary album as I marched solemnly around campus from class to class.  I was absolutely stuck on this song.  It opens with the lines: “Give me your eyes.  I need sunshine.”  These words struck me as hopeful, but in a violent way, as if Spencer Krug was singing: “I’m effin depressed and you need to help me or I’m just going to rip that help out of you”.  I took the chorus: “I’ll believe in anything and you’ll believe in anything” as something like: “I’ve given up on everything in this life, so give me something, anything that I can live for again.”  Of course, I am doubtful that this is what the lyrics mean to the songwriter.  But then again: who really cares?  Isn’t it the ability to be ambiguous and therefore personalized the really great thing about lyrics and poetry?  I, as a listener felt reached by the words of the song because the words became my own, with my own meaning (however depressing and insane that meaning might have been).  The desperation in Krug’s voice also appealed to me.  He screeched and squealed.  His delivery had crazy energy, as if someone had a gun pointed to his head demanding that he give more and more.  In a strange way, I related to this energy because I felt that I was demanding it of myself that I keep moving, keep getting out of bed: keep on keeping on until I was past all the BS.  I probably listened to this track hundreds of times that winter.  I loved and it certainly was the fuel for my soul.  Would I have survived those bad times without this sweet little piece of music?  Of course.  (I had my wonderful friends.)  But I am so very thankful I had this epic, somber, crazy, desperate song to keep me company during my depression that was all of these things and more.<3 ang.

Music fuels my soul during happier times too.  Here are the tracks I’m stuck on these days:

Bon Iver-  "Skinny Love"::  Bon Iver’s (really just one, talented man: Justin Vernon) solo debut album For Emma, Forever Ago came out a few years ago, but I just recently stumbled upon this subtle and beautiful piece of work.  And I couldn’t be happier about the discovery.  I think it might just be the perfect album for autumn weather.

The Drums- "The Future"::  The Drums self-titled debut album came out earlier this year and I find it strangely addictive while walking a fine line of being perfectly upbeat and overbearingly enthusiastic.  The 80s pop vibe of this track feels just right.

Avi Buffalo- "What’s It in For?":: What the hell is this song about?  Why do I like it?  Couldn’t tell ya.  But I can tell you with much certainty that I can’t get this little gem from their 2010 self-titled debut album out of my damn head. And I’m ok with that. : )

Erykah Badu- "The Healer"::  I have recently become a huge fan of this woman and discovered her music only after stumbling upon some amazing youtube videos of her performing her poetry on Def Jam. This song was released on 2008’s New Amerykah  Part One.  Part Two just came out this year and they are both lovely and funky.  I find “The Healer” crazy but smooth, even a little haunting, and I love the use of the triangle.



& one more for old times sake:: :)